Waltzing Matilda

It would appear that I am somewhat massive down under.
No, now stop that, that’s not what I meant at all and you know it… But thanks anyway.
No, what I meant is that I seem to be very popular amongst our Antipodean cousins! Perhaps, in me, they see something of a replacement at last for the legend that was Paul Hogan? Or Castlemaine 4X? He could tell a great joke, Castlemaine 4X. Not as funny as Fosters maybe, but, nevertheless, funny enough to have you rolling around the aisles with your sides aching; it made up somewhat for the fact that it tasted shit! Crocodile Dundee wasn’t too bad either: “That’s not a knife… This is a knife!” See, pissing yourself, aren’t you? Or have you just had too much 4X?
According to the stats WordPress so kindly provide regarding every posting I make, over the last few days they have shown that I have had 50-odd viewings and 5 comments from here in good old Blighty, thanks Mum, 17 viewings from the States, mostly from those incarcerated within their Penitentiaries – I always said that they were a discerning lot despite insisting on leaving the bosom of our great Colony – 7 viewings from South Africa, of which only 2 appear to be searching predominantly for free porn, 2 from India just yesterday, hurray!, and a whopping 23 from Australia!!!! Twenty bloody three! And they can’t all be from my mate Ali, surely? He doesn’t like me that much.
Who would have thought it, though? Who would have thought that so many kangaroos can read? Not to mention of course, the odd… (I was going to add ‘Koala’ to the punchline right about there, but I suddenly realised that I couldn’t spell it – damn! And I can’t replace it with Dingo, because that would just be stupid. We all know that Dingo’s can’t read. They’re far too busy eating babies).
Perhaps I should arrange a World Tour? Take a live version of this utter drivel out on the road for my now numerous fans? See how far you can get on an out-of-date Oyster Card during a heatwave?
I can see it now. “Hello, Adelaide! Good evening, Perth!” Being told to “sod off!” by the whole of Sydney.



  1. Hi Simon,

    I am sorry to say that I am Mr ” Whopping 23 ” from Australia. Respectfully also known as the ” Hohner Moaner ”

    Ime sure as they would say from the colonies, you are now as mad as a cut snake.

    In return we have sent you some of our sun. This can be used in the most British of summer past times, getting burnt as quickly as possible and then walking around showing everyone your red bits. As we say in 🇳🇿 Slip, Slap, slop !!

    The thought of you in Budgy Smugglers,would even make a war hardened soldier gag.

    Keep blogging mate

    Regards Ali ….

  2. Me in budgie smugglers? For the love of all things holy, no!!! Thanks for the sun mate, but it’s just not natural. Anytime you want it back, just let me know… It’s too hot!!!!
    And thank you for your kind words, Mister Hohner Moaner, or the strange person that I’ve never met before Michael Allison. Please call again soon, and give my love to Stace and Luce. xx

    • Sssh! Apparently he’s now going under the pseudonym of, The Hohner Moaner. I think it suits him personally, cos boy, can he moan!
      Love and all that Nursey, and thank you for your kind comment… And for managing to censor the swear word a lot better than me. XX

    • Easy mistake. You need the first door on your left, Jane. Thanks for dropping by though, please call again. Soon. x

  3. WP views and stats are a mystery! Good to know your sense of humour and amusing posts are appreciated down under. 🙂 Most of my views seem to be from USA and until I read your post, it never occurred to me that I was entertaining the prisoners! 🙂

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